Tales from my anxious mind

I’m writing this while supine in bed, next to my Ellie Mae trying to sleep. This week has been a very good week so far- I’m more positive, work is going good or maybe me being positive has made it go better, went to the chiropractor for my lower back and hip pain, and I’m overall happy. So I’m puzzled as to why I can’t fall asleep or relax tonight. Yes, I’m sore from my chiropractic visit and the stretches he gave me to do twice a day. I went to my parents house and talked to them for hours about nothing and everything. Lots of laughter which I believe is good for the soul. I’m taking a break from working out and yoga to let my body heal. My relationship with my boyfriend is going really well…. so I’m still puzzled as to why I’m anxious and struggling to sleep tonight.

Earlier today I did read that some anxiety doesn’t come from trauma or past experiences but just the wrong mix of chemistry and wiring in the brain.

Maybe that is me.

Maybe I have bad wiring and bad brain chemistry…

I have tried everything tonight: lavender essential oils, classical music, meditation, drinking water, cuddling my dog, and breathing exercises.

Nothing is working.

I know what you are thinking- just take a pill. Well, I’m not in a panic or having an attack. I just can’t calm my mind down and the sensations of my body. My skin crawls, my eyes water, my mind races and my body sends electrical shocks through it for whatever reason- literally bad wiring! Ha!

As I write this still supine in bed, listening to my bulldog snore, listening to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, I am beginning to calm down. In my experience my body needs to completely go into full mode to calm itself down. My body is completely fatigued by this point, my mind begins to slow down, heart rate returns to “normal”, and my skin calms down. For whatever reason this song calms me down, I’m not sure the exact reason. Or maybe writing calms me down… maybe it’s a combination of both. Whatever it is, I am grateful as I need a few hours of sleep to function tomorrow…. I mean today.

A little tid-bit about me is Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata is my ringtone.


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