I’ve been in such a great mood lately.
Complete strangers have noticed and commented on how happy I look especially when I’m with a certain person. He makes me feel happy, want to make my life better, try new things,etc. I honestly haven’t felt this way…….EVER.
I woke up to this on Saturday morning. Kyle cuddling with Ellie Mae- made my heart melt. They are both so sweet and both like me very much. While watching them, I realize everything will be okay. How I was feeling last week doesn’t matter and seems so small. I forgot everything in that moment….I knew everything was going to be okay. I didn’t want to move and disturb either of them that morning. I sat like this for an hour while everything was peaceful. I did a little meditation during this time and thought about what I’m thankful for and all the positives in my life. This is a long list and I won’t bore y’all- I just take things for granted that make me happy. I need and am trying to make time each morning for reflection and meditation time for the physical, mind and spiritual aspects of my life. I don’t take the time for things like this often and tend to just rush through each day trying to get through it while i miss everything that passes me in this process. I wake up just in time to go to work, I work 7-8 hours a day, I go to the gym/work out, go home and cook/play with my dog, then clean like a mad woman only to go to sleep and wake up to repeat. I was/am exhausted from living my life like this! I want so much more than this. The only thing I have to say to myself is that my house is immaculate…that is so boring and I want so much more than a clean house. I want to travel, I want to be and give love, I want to be the best I can be! I want to wake up feeling refreshed, go to a job I love, wake up next to the person I love, and fill my life with one of a kind experiences. I want to try new thing even if I may fail. Making mistakes is part of life and makes us stronger.
This last Friday, I went to an aerial yoga class with a guest instructor. In the back of my head I knew it would be different than other classes I’ve been to since each teacher has a different style of teaching… but it was so difficult for me. Old jordan would have gave up, walked out…. but new Jordan watched and listened and tried most of the new things. I’m still getting over a back injury so some of the tasks I watched others, laughed, visited with others or tried only once to ensure less soreness for my back. It was a positive experience for me overall. New and old faces, welcoming of others, challenging myself. A day of growth which is more important to me than just learning “new tricks”.
The next two days, I’m off work. Time for rest, positive thinking, surrounded by loved ones and self care… time to slow down, be grateful for what I have… and not letting past thoughts ruin my time off. This happened this morning. I thought of everything I did wrong in the last three years, all the mistakes I’ve made- old Jordan would curl up in a blanket and sleep. That’s my defense mechanism with past mistakes, current mistakes, impending doom- sleep. When this happens I can sleep for hours and hours- hiding from my problems. Now I face them. I set goals to conquer them. Now, it’s still difficult for me but I don’t want to waste time thinking what if. It’s not helpful or fair to me.
NOT TODAY SATAN!